Making Monsters and Dancing Spiders

I'm excited to announce that another of my short stories, Making Monsters, is now available through Amazon.com.

Making Monsters

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Shai is a girl who has nothing in a world run by men. Her parents are gone. She has no lineage to brag about. No future to hope for. Only her brother keeps her safe, but even he isn't willing to stand up to Kurth, the leader of their little band. Not when it comes to keeping Kurth's hands of off her and not now, when he should be disputing the older boy's plans to involve them all in a dangerous heist.

Shai knew the heist would go terribly wrong and, when it does, she is the one to pay the price. Only this time, what promised to be a tragic end brings her together with a woman secretly practicing magic, a craft forbidden to her gender. The encounter will give Shai the strength and freedom she needs to turn the tables on Kurth, but she may have to abandon her humanity in the process.

In other news, the sequel to The Girl and the Clockwork Cat went to the publisher this week. Fingers crossed they like it and we can get it on track for publication soon. Now I’m ready to start editing another project, assuming I can decide which other project to work on.

Lastly, for anyone who still doubts me when I say jumping spiders are the cutest things, take a gander at this (brought to my attention by the wonderful @ViolaFury).

Happy writing and reading!

Life Changes and Getting Comfortable with Spiders

Yeah. I know. Sounds like such a serious title. To be honest, my life has had way too much serious lately, so I’m hoping to keep this light. For that, you need kittehs.

I’ve been stacking on the life changes lately. Sprinting out of my realm of safety and security as if it were on fire. Some of the things I've been dealing with are:

• A death in the family (not getting deep into this as it would go against the keeping it light plan).
• This thing I’m waiting on (don’t want to jinx it by talking about it too much).
• This thing my husband is waiting on (yeah, don’t want to jinx that either).
• Some other stuff (no, I don’t think that’s too vague).
• Preparing our house to put on the market so that we can move into the city. This one I’ll talk about.

There’s little good about getting a house ready to sell. Inevitably, the moment you decide to sell, you start noticing all the things that are wrong with the house and property that fell off the radar into the selective blindness we all get when we just don't have enough time. The lawn needs some TLC, the carpet is actually heinously ugly, the walls aren’t much better, the barn needs cleaning up, and you have way too much junk lying around.

To start things rolling, you hire someone for the yard work, which seems like a good plan. Then they get sick and someone in their family dies and you can’t really be mad about it, right? You’ve been sick a few times lately and you’ve had a recent death in the family. You should totally understand. Still, you’re secretly somewhat mad about it because the work isn’t getting done and, after all that time spent searching your soul and reconciling with selling your house, you want to get it done NOW.

And then...

Yes. You decide to paint the interior. No big. You start painting the walls in one room, and this is when you realize not only how much you hated the wall color, but that the ceiling is an awful shade of pale pinkish-gray and the dark wood trim looks like hell. Now you have to paint the ceilings and the trim too. What started as a one or two weekend project is now a several month long arduous task. Not to mention, you still have to find time for work and play (yes, play is necessary to keep you from turning into a bug-eyed spastic lunatic). If you haven’t caught on yet, this is one of those things where the more you do, the more you feel like you need to do.

But that’s not why we’re here. We’re here because we like to talk about spiders.

No?

Well, I like to talk about them.

I live in the Pacific Northwest. This is an amazing place. It’s beautiful, a wee bit damp, and full of critters, critters that are largely non-venomous/poisonous. I feel rather safe wrangling a random snake or moving spiders out of the house. That isn’t to say that there aren’t spiders I prefer not to tangle with, but the likelihood of encountering something that can do serious damage or even threaten your life is slim.

This always seemed a good thing to me until last week. I was in southern Oregon visiting family and I had a few small spider encounters.

The Jumper:

You know how I feel about these guys if you’ve been following my blog for long. If not, you can find out more in my post Talking with Spiders: The House Rules. As I’ve said before, jumping spiders are cute as hell and the one I found crawling along my pant leg was double-cute with sugar on top. He was tiny and would have been a perfect model for a jumping spider plush toy.

I caught him on my hand, he was so small I couldn’t even feel it as he crawled along my fingers, and relocated him to a windowsill. When my husband poked a finger at him, he crouched back and held his front bits up in a valiant display of ferocity that made me giggle. Love those fuzzy little blokes.

The next spider wasn’t a jumper. He was one of those black widow shaped ones that I express a less tolerant attitude toward in my earlier post about spiders. Still, I’m always trying to give everyone a fair chance so, recalling the jumping spider I’d moved the prior day, I caught this little critter up on my sleeve and moved it outside. It was then, as I dropped it off on the porch, that I realized it really did look an awful lot like a black widow. In fact, given that I was in southern Oregon, the odds seemed good that it could have been one.

I guess that’s what happens when you get too used to feeling safe all the time.

So there you have it. Life lessons from a spider wrangler and a few reasons not to sell your house.

Happy adventuring!

Revisiting Talking with Spiders: The House Rules

Tis the season to be creepy and crawly so I thought it might be fun to re-post this. Happy October! See more on Know Your Meme

Arachnophobes beware. Here be spiders.

As the weather warms up and I see more and more of you eight-legged critters roaming the property, I am inclined to share the house rules with you here (although fully aware that you may not follow my blog even though you should). These rules are roughly broken up by spider type.

Jumping Spiders:

I’m sorry, but you are stinking cute as hell. Look at you with your fuzz and your oversized front legs. You look like tiny little body-builders and you have an attitude to boot. You may live wherever you please. However, if you live in the house, there are a few places off limits. Primarily, in my bed, on my bed, or above my bed. If I find you in one of these locations, I will relocate you to another place in the house or outside depending on the severity of the infraction, my mood, and the weather. (Apparently showing up on someone’s face is also not an acceptable location.)

Crab Spiders:

Again, it's about attitude. You are a small spider with enough chutzpah to face me, brandishing those long forelegs at me in defense of your chosen rhododendron leaf as if you could somehow hope to take me down. Bravo. You are fierce little creatures. How could I not like you? That said, you look best outside in the gardens and, if found in the house, will be relocated to the nearest suitable bush.

Comb-footed or Cobweb Spiders:

I don’t want to see you. I grew up in Southern Oregon where the Black Widow is common. You are shaped like the Black Widow and, even though you are not poisonous and are often of a different color, you remind me of them. One of them bit my mom when I was younger so it's personal. I will probably ignore you outside. Inside, I might relocate you outside if I am in a particularly good mood, but you might also find yourself swirling down the whirlpool of death in the toilet. Best if you stay outside.

Funnel-Web and Wolf Spiders (and most other spiders not mentioned separately):

If you choose to enter the house, you either will meet the whirlpool of death or be thrown outside. What I do with you is dependent on many factors.

1. How aggressive you are. I will match your aggression. I am not willing to be bitten by you. You have been warned.

2. Where you show up. If you drop in from above, show up on my towel as I’m trying to dry off after a shower, or appear on the couch/bed, likely you won’t live to reach the whirlpool of death.

3. Your willingness to be captured in a cup. I will do this for you as a kindness to move you outside, but if you run from me, my generosity will wane and the whirlpool of death will start calling me.

If you are really huge and living in my barn, I will ignore you so long as you don’t come within range and act aggressive. If you are living on the ceiling of my barn, I will probably stare at you nervously as I clean the stalls, but you are out of reach. I advise you to stay there or, better yet, move to someone else’s barn.

Any Spider or Arachnid Referred to as Daddy Long-Legs (including Harvestmen):

You creep me out. Why? Because you look like little walking eight-legged skeletons. The walking dead of the spider world. Harmless though you may be, I beseech you, don’t come into the house. Just looking at you gives me the shivers. The whirlpool of death hungers for your undead flesh. Stay away.

Final Warning:

Be aware that there are cats in this house. They haven’t shown any distinct proclivity for arachnid flesh, but they are drawn to things that move about in tantalizing ways. You move in tantalizing ways. Their rules trump mine.

Happy crawling!

Talking with Spiders: The House Rules

Arachnophobes beware. Here be spiders.

As the weather warms up and I see more and more of you eight-legged critters roaming the property, I am inclined to share the house rules with you here (although fully aware that you may not follow my blog even though you should). These rules are roughly broken up by spider type.

Jumping Spiders:

I’m sorry, but you are stinking cute as hell. Look at you with your fuzz and your oversized front legs. You look like tiny little body-builders and you have an attitude to boot. You may live wherever you please. However, if you live in the house, there are a few places off limits. Primarily, in my bed, on my bed, or above my bed. If I find you in one of these locations, I will relocate you to another place in the house or outside depending on the severity of the infraction, my mood, and the weather. (Apparently, showing up on someone’s face is also not an acceptable location.)

Crab Spiders:

Again, it's about attitude. You are a small spider with enough chutzpa to face me, brandishing those long forelegs at me in defense of your chosen rhododendron leaf as if you could somehow hope to take me down. Bravo. You are fierce little creatures. How could I not like you? That said, you look best outside in the gardens and, if found in the house, will be relocated to the nearest suitable bush.

Comb-footed or Cobweb Spiders:

I don’t want to see you. I grew up in Southern Oregon where the Black Widow is common. You are shaped like the Black Widow and, even though you are not poisonous and are often of a different color, you remind me of them. One of them bit my mom when I was younger so it's personal. I will probably ignore you outside. Inside, I might relocate you outside if I am in a particularly good mood, but you might also find yourself swirling down the whirlpool of death in the toilet. Best if you stay outside.

Funnel-Web and Wolf Spiders (and most other spiders not mentioned separately):

If you choose to enter the house, you either will meet the whirlpool of death or be thrown outside. What I do with you is dependent on many factors.

1. How aggressive you are. I will match your aggression. I am not willing to be bitten by you. You have been warned.

2. Where you show up. If you drop in from above, show up on my towel as I’m trying to dry off after a shower, or appear on the couch/bed, likely you won’t live to reach the whirlpool of death.

3. Your willingness to be captured in a cup. I will do this for you as a kindness to move you outside, but if you run from me, my generosity will wane and the whirlpool of death will start calling me.

If you are really huge and living in my barn, I will ignore you so long as you don’t come within range and act aggressive. If you are living on the ceiling of my barn, I will probably stare at you nervously as I clean the stalls, but you are out of reach. I advise you to stay there or, better yet, move to someone else’s barn.

Any Spider or Arachnid Referred to as Daddy Long-Legs (including Harvestmen):

You creep me out. Why? Because you look like little walking eight-legged skeletons. The walking dead of the spider world. Harmless though you may be, I beseech you, don’t come into the house. Just looking at you gives me the shivers. The whirlpool of death hungers for your undead flesh. Stay away.

Final Warning:

Be aware that there are cats in this house. They haven’t shown any distinct proclivity for arachnid flesh, but they are drawn to things that move about in tantalizing ways. You move in tantalizing ways. Their rules trump mine.

Happy crawling!