I thought I would try a little something different today. Below is the pitch portion of the current query letter for my novel, Torment (sans the bio and publishing credentials). For context, it is book one of a fully written alternate world romantic fantasy trilogy. I rewrote the letter after the PNWA conference helped me see what the original was missing. I believe this version gives a better feel for what the book is about and manages to slip in a little more information about what the protaganist is up against. Comments/suggestions are welcome.
Thanks for visiting!

The Query:

In Caithin, only two types of people are allowed to use the magical energy called ascard, trained healers and the elite Ascard Watchmen who use ascard to find and arrest anyone else caught using it.

Indigo’s ascard ability has forced her into training as a healer and her family’s tarnished reputation has driven her into a hasty engagement with an abusive young nobleman. She feels like a prisoner in her life until she encounters Yiloch, a prince and adept from a neighboring country who is trying to seize the throne from his tyrannical father. Although her race looks down upon his people as slaves, she finds inspiration in his beauty and determination. Yiloch helps her discover the true potential of her ascard ability and encourages her to delve into those forbidden other uses. Going against her upbringing, she finds a mentor for her ability and, when she is able, joins Yiloch in his war, but the emperor and his powerful adept, Myac, won’t make it easy. Are her need to prove herself and her growing love for the prince enough to justify using her power as a weapon? Can she find in herself the strength to influence the outcome of a war and take control of her life?